Posted on June 21st, 2008 — in Universe Of Relationships
Stay Married
Along with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when that decision involves an actual process and might potentially involve emotional pain or anguish. Deciding whether or not to get a divorce or stay married can be a frightening time for most people, even if they know deep inside themselves that they have to actually make a decision, one way or another.
People are reluctant to embark on an ‘emotionally driven’ decision making process because they fear that it will be uncomfortable or painful for them. The irony here is obvious…if they need to make this decision, their life or a portion if it, is already uncomfortable. One thing is for certain, deciding whether to get a divorce or stay married is indeed a process.
This process, like any other, includes key elements…elements that need to be examined. The elements of this process are self-revealing and can only come from within the person making the decision. The decision making process is comprised of stages and viewpoints about those stages. Stages are smaller pieces of the overall process and the viewpoints of each of those stages are only defined by the person making the decision. If you’re trying to decide whether or not you should get a divorce or stay married, you must look at the stage of life you are currently in, and understand how you feel about it by clearly defining your viewpoint about it.
Are you completely unhappy?
Relatively unhappy?
Partially unhappy?
Do you feel that your marriage is unhealthy enough that you intend to do something about it?
Etc.
You can look back in the past and reflect on other stages of your life and examine how you felt about those stages if they contributed to your problem as you view it now. Reflecting on the past can be an effective way to identify key occurrences that may have shaped the way your viewpoint is currently. Reflecting also can help you to identify trends in behavior that may have contributed to your viewpoint. But in the end, the viewpoint and stage that matters most is the current one and that’s the one that you need to define and assess most.
It is human tendency to reflect on the past and hold onto thoughts and feelings that were once good, but doing this might keep you in a stale mate if you dwell on the past too much. You have to look at the present time and actually “decide to decide” so to speak. Once you do realize that you need to decide whether or not to get a divorce, there will be things that will creep up that will actually keep you from taking action and deciding.
Here are 5 reasons you might not be deciding to take action when it comes to deciding whether you should get a divorce or stay married:
1. You know that the severity of divorce is something not to be taken lightly so you avoid that “potential” outcome by doing nothing.
I assure you, if you realize that divorce is serious, you’re ahead of the game because it means that you will do what it takes to change your situation!
2. You haven’t decided to take action because you think you actually do want a divorce, and you think that divorce can create emotional scars that take a long time to heal.
3. You know that, whatever the outcome, you’re really not ready to face a potentially painful end result, so you avoid the situation all together.
4. You are just flat out scared to make a decision about divorce because you know that making this difficult decision will involve profound change and deep “self-examination”. And, like most of us, you want to avoid the pain and discomfort that goes with that.
5. You just don’t know where to start because you are confused due to the emotional complexities of the situation. You really don’t know how you feel.
All are these are valid points, but they are really just excuses to do nothing.
And, if you do nothing, the problem will still remain. And that problem is “indecision”.
You haven’t committed to decide. If any of these things are keeping you from making a decision about whether to stay married, you’re doing more harm to yourself than good. In fact, by doing nothing, you are only compounding your problem. You are contributing to your own unhappiness by not taking action and that is just flat out unhealthy!
The first stage to going through the process of deciding whether or not to get a divorce, is to overcome your fear of the potential outcome and embrace this ‘emotionally driven’ process. Defining your fears and identifying why you aren’t making the decision, or at least starting the decision making process about getting a divorce or staying married, is the only way you will be able to reach your ultimate goal…making a final decision to either get divorced or try to work it out.
© Karl Augustine, 2004
“A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”
Deciding on Divorce
Divorce Reasons
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Posted on May 31st, 2008 — in Universe Of Relationships
WHAT HAS WORKED FOR US
Brief Reflections On Enjoying 36 Years Of Marriage
© Lee Wise All rights reserved
For some reason or another I had a passing thought today. I
was reflecting on our marriage and I wondered…
“What makes it work”?
We are not perfect, we don’t agree on all things, and we
still work through issues even after being married for
nearly thirty-six years.
Thirty-six years.
And we still enjoy it — LOL!
I didn’t spend a lot of time answering my own question.
I did, however, quickly jot down a few ideas about what has
“made it work” for us.
MAKE YOUR OWN APPLICATIONS
You make your own observations and applications.
Apply what I have written to your marriage, mental “Should I
ever marry” list, insights on being a friend — or
“whatever.”
You are creative.
You can design ways to make this information “yours.”
After all, what is relevant in terms of this article is
what is *most* important for you.
Your ideas
For your world
At this stage of your life.
Your reflections are the most important reflections.
MORE COULD BE SAID
Yes, more could be said.
But…
This was a quick list, remember?
MY OBSERVATIONS…”WHAT HAS WORKED FOR US”
We share the same core values.
We share the same beliefs about knowing and loving God.
We agree about “what matters most.”
We listen.
We communicate.
We pray for each other.
We enjoy and support seeing each other succeed.
We *love* all that it means to be a family.
We *agree* on what “being a family” means.
We try to heal, not hurt.
We don’t strive to win. We strive to win as a team.
We go on dates — often.
We enjoy a lot of little things.
We laugh.
We laugh quite a bit 
We work through pain together.
In the end pain unites. It doesn’t divide.
We give each other space.
We are lovers.
We are closest friends.
“YOU’RE ON”
Translated, it is your turn.
It is time to make this article yours.
Your ideas are…
Your insights are…
Your impressions are…
Your applications are…
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© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute
this article. The copyright and this resource box must be
included.
Avoid pain/create pleasure. For A Beautiful Moment In Time
go here –> http://www.motivation-for-daily-living.net
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Posted on April 17th, 2008 — in Universe Of Relationships
Marriage is a beautiful relationship. Unfortunately, during the current years, more marriages are getting broken than ever. People are not able to co exist together in marriage. What are the possible reasons? Why marriages are breaking faster, why are we not getting what we want from marriage? Are our expectations wrong? Or our choice of partner is faulty? Let us find out.
The major factors that contribute to success in marriage are - Knowing what we desire in the marriage, selecting the right partner for fulfilling those desires, defining marriage goals and getting approval about them from the partner, discussing all the issues that hurt the relationship, changing your own style of relating so that marriage becomes stronger and not giving up so easily if cracks develop and try to save the marriage. a broken marriage is not pleasant for any one and hurts.
A marriage is like a cart on two wheels. Both the partners are the wheels. If one wheel becomes weaker or if the wheels are different in size, the cart stops moving. It is similar with marriage. If one partner over dominates or demands more only for himself/herself, the marriage will suffer. For a marriage to succeed, the partners have to take care of each other’s desires, emotions, physical needs and intellectual needs. Both the partners have to support each other to grow and not criticize each other. For example, if a partner knows that his/her spouse is weak in a certain area, it is the duty of the other partner to compensate that and not criticize. Another factor is fear of conflict. Sometimes, the conflicts become so pain giving that partners avoid talking to each other fearing that a conflict may arise. This fear of conflict will kill all communication. Instead what is needed is- healthy communication and peaceful resolution of conflicts in a spirit of give and take. Why should a partner be afraid of talking to other partner in a marriage? That sounds ridiculous, but this is true. This phase spells near death of a marriage. Marriage is a beautiful phase of life. The secret lies in how to carry on for a lifetime.
CD Mohatta writes for ecards, screensavers and wallpapers. The topics of his writings include love, inspiration, holidays, birthdays etc. You can view desktop wallpapers at screene.com, ecards on ecarduniverse.com and quizzes on funquizcards.com.
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Posted on April 2nd, 2008 — in Universe Of Relationships
Plan your next bachelor party in Cardiff
Why Cardiff? There are many reasons why your stag do should come to Cardiff. For one, the sporting industry has recently transformed this once cultural haven into an exciting town unrivalled the world over for its enthusiasm and willingness to have a good time (at least that’s what the locals claim - but for the sake of a good time, we’ll believe them). Because of Cardiff, Cup Finals will truly never be the same.
Rock your head to the beat of great music and entertainment and dance the night away in one of Cardiff’s many trendy, adrenaline-pumping nightclubs. Join in the renaissance of this great city and you’ll feel like a new man before you know it.
Cardiff
With over 350 bars and clubs to spend your time in, you’ll never find a moment to spare - which is a good thing when enjoying a stag do or bachelor party with all your closest buds. And don’t forget to head on over to St. Mary Street to rock the night away in front of the castle - an experience difficult to replicate anywhere else.
Join in on the great experience of a rejuvenating city and you won’t be disappointed. Stay away from the usual stag do destinations and come to Cardiff to have a blast and fill your head with tons of fantastic memories. Don’t follow the crowd - create your own path and the party will definitely follow. Cardiff is the perfect place to meet all kinds of people and have a good time without spending all your hard-earned cash.
So in the spirit of Millennium Stadium join the new millennium and participate in all that Cardiff has to offer a stag partygoer such as yourself. When it comes to celebrating your impending marriage no other place provides the best in nightlife, entertainment and activities for such an affordable price.
Visit chillisauce at http://www.chillisauce.co.uk/stag-weekends/cardiff/ to see what Cardiff has to offer. As a fully bonded tour operator we know how to plan the best stag do you’ll ever experience. Find out why a stag do in Cardiff can’t be beat.
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